Shelter Island Reporter

Jeff Friedman, executive director of the Retreat, explained the rise in domestic violence and the effort to raise awareness of it on Shelter Island, including a large presence at the Shelter Island 10K run.

Domestic violence is on the rise on Shelter Island and across eastern Long Island and the only domestic violence shelter on the East End needs as much community support as it can get.


That was the message Jeff Friedman, executive director of the Retreat, an East Hampton nonprofit organization, delivered to the Town Board at Tuesday‘s weekly work session. The Retreat's 18-bed facility is the only domestic violence shelter on the East End, compared to over 20 animal shelters, and half of its beds are occupied by children under 14. Demands for the shelter and the Retreat's counseling and advocacy services rose dramatically during the past 18 months of recession, and, like the economy, the situation is not improving quickly.


“The trends we've been seeing, we are concerned about,” Mr. Friedman said. Domestic violence calls overall have increased by 56 percent, and last year alone, 26 domestic violence incidents were reported on Shelter Island. “It's very disturbing,” he commented.


Mr. Friedman explained that nonprofit organizations have been impacted by the recession in different ways but that the loss of jobs and the threat of home foreclosures has meant that “family stress has been at an all-time high. It's a recipe for increased violence; we've been surprised at how much.”


The Retreat continually reaches out to town governments and works closely with local police departments. 


Copies of police reports on all domestic violence incidents occurring on the East End are sent to the Retreat and it provides outreach to those victims.


Shelter Island is seeing an increase in domestic violence, but because of confidentiality issues, not every case is apparent from reading the police blotter, Mr. Friedman explained. “But you can read between the lines.”


Mr. Friedman and Barbara Olton, a Shelter Island resident and president of the Retreat Board of Directors, are on a campaign to raise awareness of the Retreat on Shelter Island through fundraising and outreach events. A group of more than 20 Retreat supporters ran in the Shelter Island 10K wearing shirts with the Retreat logo.


“People from Shelter Island are calling our hotline and accessing our services,” Mr. Friedman said, including one call the day after the 10K.


“Because we don't have a physical presence here, people forget that we provide services for Shelter Island,” the Retreat director told the board. But he added that not having a facility here is an advantage. “The first thing we want to do is get victims as far away as we can from the abuser.” The exact location of the shelter is not available to the public.


At least 90 percent of those abusers are men. “Taking care of the women and children in our community has to be a priority,” Mr. Friedman said. When domestic violence is occurring or threatened, the police should be called first, Mr. Friedman and Police Chief Jim Read advised. Outreach from the Retreat will follow.


But families can call the Retreat's 24-hour hotline at 329-2200 anytime to anonymously reach out for help and many do, Ms. Olton said, to set up counseling appointments.


Councilwoman Chris Lewis commented that domestic abuse is not a problem “relegated to the ranks of the poor.”


Abuse crosses all socio-economic lines, Mr. Friedman explained, some families are on public assistance, some are affluent.


One of the solutions to domestic violence is prevention and the Retreat was recently awarded a grant from the Shelter Island Educational Foundation for programming at the Shelter Island School focused on preventing bullying and other abuse. More than half of the boys who grow up to be abusive, experienced domestic violence in their childhood homes, Mr. Friedman said. He added that 70 to 80 percent of abuse involves alcohol or drug use.


“I know you always need funds,” Ms. Lewis said, “but are there other things that are useful to the facility?”


Mr. Friedman said that donations of time are always needed and that gently used items may be donated to the Retreat's thrift store at Bridgehampton Commons. Supporters are also encouraged to hold small events to raise awareness of the Retreat.


For more information on the Retreat, visit its website at theretreatinc.org.


The Retreat at a glance



24-hour hotline: 329-2200


Services: 18-bed shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, police incident response, referrals, prevention, in-school programs and more.


How many served: In 2009, a total of 1,016 clients were served with 51 women and 60 children sheltered.


How the shelter works: Suffolk County funds sheltering and approves individuals for 90 days of residency with possible extensions of 45 days.


Staff: 35 full and part-time employees and many volunteers.


Annual budget $2.3 million; approximately 56 percent of operating expenses are covered by individual donations.